MARC HOOVER
Cleveland is where quarterbacks go to die

Last Sunday the Dallas Cowboys handed the Bengals their third loss. Of course it could be worse. You could be a Cleveland Browns fan. Last week was the perfect example. The Browns got blown out by a guy named Tom Brady, who had not played football in a month. The Browns also lost another quarterback to injury and turned to “Clipboard Jesus.” For anyone unfamiliar with him, his name is Charlie Whitehurst. He’s a professional backup quarterback that resembles Jesus Christ. But he does date singer Jewel, so he cannot be too bad.

Since the 1999 return of the Cleveland Browns, they have changed quarterbacks like most people change underwear. If you are trying to maintain a love life, that’s great. But if you are an NFL team, that’s bad. In the past 17 seasons, the Browns have only had two winning seasons. For metrics people, that would be under 12 percent. No one is debating the Cavaliers rule Cleveland, but the Browns? They don’t rule anything. They just give NFL analysts material for their comedy segments. And nothing is funnier than watching the Browns take the field.

The only upside to the Browns is that Hue Jackson is their coach. He is a highly respected coach, but then the Browns once had Bill Belichick as their head coach. Even he couldn’t win there. I am wondering if someone banned the Cleveland Browns from bringing a goat into a game. If this doesn’t make sense, Google the Chicago Cubs curse.

I have a friend who is a die-hard Browns fan. Of course, she is the butt of all jokes. Still, you have to give Browns fans their due. They still show up at the “Dawg Pound” for home games. I have to wonder how players who get drafted by the Browns must feel. Sure, they stand up with Roger Goodell and hold their jerseys and proclaim how honored they are to play in Cleveland. But NFL fans know this is a lie. No one wants to play for the Browns. Even worse, no one wants to be their quarterback.

Johnny Manziel was supposed to be their franchise quarterback. Now? He’s probably sacking groceries for all I know. I just know he’s not an NFL quarterback. The Browns thought Robert Griffin III could win some games. His season was over before the first game had ended. He suffered a shoulder injury and is probably done this year. Then the club turned to veteran Josh McCown, who also got injured. The team was forced to give the ball to rookie Cody Kessler, who is also on the scrap heap. For now, the team will likely have to sign another quarterback and turn to Jesus. And unless he’s walking on water or turning water into wine, the Browns will finish as the worst NFL team in the league.

Although it’s lonely at the top, it’s probably even lonelier at the bottom. Anyone want to play quarterback for the Browns? I hear they are looking for anyone who can stand upright and throw a tight spiral.

Marc is a grandfather and longtime Clermont County resident. Visit his author page at www.lifewithgrandpa.com and blog at www.wisegrandpa.com.