What do you read first when you pick up the paper? I suspect the obituaries aren’t at the top of your list but, like me, I’ll bet you glance over the obits before putting the paper down.
I read the obituaries for two reasons. First, to see if anybody I know passed away during the past week, and secondly, to see how old people were when they died. Let’s all admit it, seeing that so and so lived to be 94, 96, or maybe even 102, gives us hope.
But beyond this you’ll have to agree that the obituaries are downright boring. I wish they would at least provide a cause of death. But for some reason newspaper editors have decided that only the most basic information should be provided. The result is obituaries that read something like this: “George Brown of Maple Grove passed away on April 24 at age 102 (might as well be optimistic). He worked for Clermont Senior Services and was a columnist for the Clermont Sun. George is survived by (insert family names). Memorial gifts may be made to Clermont Senior Services or the Maple Grove Arboretum. “
Like I said – boring! I realize space is an issue. If obituaries were written to be as informative and interesting as they were a hundred years ago, newspapers wouldn’t have enough space for other news and advertising. But, hey, obituaries are news too, and interesting obits could help sell more papers.
I wouldn’t mind having the job of writing the obituaries. Instead of boring obituaries like the one above, I’d write something like this.
Clermont Sun – Obituaries for April 30, 2048: George Brown, longtime resident of the Maple Grove community in Jackson Township succumbed to the effects of old age and entered the portals of Heaven this past Tuesday afternoon at the good old age of 102. Yvonne Sue (Bartley) Brown, his consort, friend, lover, and life companion these past 82 years stated that she was at her beloved husband’s side when he suddenly, but quietly, passed while planting yet another tree in their backyard, certain as always that he would live to see it grow to maturity.
Mr. Brown’s children, Adam and Emily, said the Carolina Silver Bell tree their Father was planting at the time of his demise shall serve as a tribute to his memory, and to his and their Mother’s great love of gardening. The children plan, with their Mother’s blessing and upon her passing, to give the family home and grounds to the township as a community park which shall be known as “The Maple Grove Arboretum”. As friends and neighbors are aware, this humble home located on Monterey Maple Grove Road is surrounded by an abundance of colorful and magnificent flora and fauna of every sort, nearly all of which has been planted with tender care and love, and as the children report, at some considerable expense, by their parents since they arrived in this community over a half century ago, dating to the year 1991.
Mr. Brown brought his family to Clermont County when he assumed the position of director for Clermont Senior Services in 1991. He succeeded the founding director, Lois Brown Dale, who he greatly admired, but to whom he was not related, as has often been rumored; and Mr. Brown was himself succeeded by Cynthia Gramke who, as this paper has reported, just recently retired as director of that esteemed agency. Brown’s major legacy was the creation of seven housing facilities for senior citizens, which to this day provide a comfortable abode for older citizens in communities throughout our fair county.
Mr. Brown’s retirement passions, in addition to gardening, were hiking and writing, both of which he continued to do until the week of his death. Remarkably, Mr. Brown never missed a week of submitting his column for the enjoyment of our readers from the day his column first graced these pages some 50 years ago. In actual fact, the Opinion page of this issue contains his last column, which he penned and submitted this past weekend – just four days ago – after hiking the Red Fox Trail at Stonelick State Park. As irony would have it, and as longtime readers might surmise, this column describes an infamous encounter with a fierce critter from which Mr. Brown managed to save himself with his backpack. In this instance the critter was a rabid fox – dare we say you might not be reading this obituary if a backpack had been at his side while planting that Silver Bell tree (forgive us, but I’m sure Mr. Brown would approve of our taking privileges with his backpack humor – ed.) We shall miss his wit and humor.
In addition to his wife and children, Mr. Brown is survived by numerous grandchildren, great grandchildren, and several great-great grandchildren. As he was often fond of saying in his later years, “All of my grandchildren are great.”
Mr. Brown did indeed endear himself to our community and he shall be missed by all. The family is being served by EC Nurre Funeral Home. A time of visitation and celebration will be held in the backyard of the family’s home (the future Maple Grove Arboretum) at noon on Sunday, May 3, after which Mr. Brown’s loved ones shall scatter his ashes beneath the Carolina Silver Bell tree. Memorial gifts may be made to Clermont Senior Services or to the Maple Grove Arboretum Foundation.
George Brown is a freelance writer. He lives in Jackson Township.