I consider myself a wordsmith. I have been writing since I was a wee lassie, and was first published when I was 16–a very long time ago.
So I am not a newbie at this.
I’ve also done quite a bit of public speaking, and have been told I am pretty smart–or at least sound that way.
However, every once in a blue moon, I let fly with what I think will be an appropriate remark, and it comes out totally caterwompers (my dad’s word).
The headline of this blog? Yup, I said that once–to an entire group of people. At the time, it sounded right.
But the look on everyone’s face after I said it told a different story. It took a couple of beats–a one-ah and a two-ah–but then it hit me.
Cracked me up actually. There is nothing I enjoy more than laughing at myself. Nice change from crying over myself. I know, it sounds like it’s all about me.
So to prove it’s not, here’s some headlines that actually appeared in newspapers that sounded right at the time:
Iraqi head seeks arms
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Queen Mary having bottom scraped
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Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
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Prostitutes appeal to Pope
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Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over
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NJ judge to rule on nude beach
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Child’s stool great for use in garden
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Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
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Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
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Organ festival ends in smashing climax
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Eye drops off shelf
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Squad helps dog bite victim
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Dealers will hear car talk at noon
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Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
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Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
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Miners refuse to work after death
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Two Soviet ships collide – one dies
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Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
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Never withhold herpes from loved one
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Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
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Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
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Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better
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If strike isn’t settled quickly it may last a while
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War dims hope for peace
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Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
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Cold wave linked to temperatures
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Child’s death ruins couple’s holiday
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Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years
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Man is fatally slain
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Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
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Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
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British Left Waffles on Falkan Islands