Don’t Beat a Dead Horse in the Mouth

March 20th, 2007    Author: Staff Report    Filed Under: Opinion

I consider myself a wordsmith. I have been writing since I was a wee lassie, and was first published when I was 16–a very long time ago.

So I am not a newbie at this.

I’ve also done quite a bit of public speaking, and have been told I am pretty smart–or at least sound that way.

However, every once in a blue moon, I let fly with what I think will be an appropriate remark, and it comes out totally caterwompers (my dad’s word).

The headline of this blog? Yup, I said that once–to an entire group of people. At the time, it sounded right.

But the look on everyone’s face after I said it told a different story. It took a couple of beats–a one-ah and a two-ah–but then it hit me.

Cracked me up actually. There is nothing I enjoy more than laughing at myself. Nice change from crying over myself. I know, it sounds like it’s all about me.

So to prove it’s not, here’s some headlines that actually appeared in newspapers that sounded right at the time:

Iraqi head seeks arms

*

Queen Mary having bottom scraped

*

Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?

*

Prostitutes appeal to Pope

*

Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over

*

NJ judge to rule on nude beach

*

Child’s stool great for use in garden

*

Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors

*

Soviet virgin lands short of goal again

*

Organ festival ends in smashing climax

*

Eye drops off shelf

*

Squad helps dog bite victim

*

Dealers will hear car talk at noon

*

Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

*

Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests

*

Miners refuse to work after death

*

Two Soviet ships collide – one dies

*

Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

*

Never withhold herpes from loved one

*

Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy

*

Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984

*

Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better

*

If strike isn’t settled quickly it may last a while

*

War dims hope for peace

*

Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency

*

Cold wave linked to temperatures

*

Child’s death ruins couple’s holiday

*

Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years

*

Man is fatally slain

*

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

*

Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

*

British Left Waffles on Falkan Islands

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